she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
