It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
