Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
