i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize