I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
