I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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