ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
