She is in my trunk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
