Apparently you make a good broom.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
