Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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