Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
