I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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