I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
