Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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