did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
