I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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