Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
