I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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