Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
