I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize