You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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