You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
