Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
