Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize