I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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