im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
