You smell like stripper and shame
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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