My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
