We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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