I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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