marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
