my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize