I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
