it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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