I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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