I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
