Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
