every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
