I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize