I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
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Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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