they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
