honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
