Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize