i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
