she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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