the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
