I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
