i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The feeling are messing with the penis
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
