You smell like stripper and shame
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I came so hard my ears popped.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
