i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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