I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
