who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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