Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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