I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
