U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
