Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
