they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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