I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
