My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
