My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
they're like a gay fantastic four
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A bitchslap is in order.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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