found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
