God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
