I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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